be gentle with yo (me) self

a serious post will follow.

I had an assignment due today. I have been stressing out about it and that was kinda blocking me from starting?? ahhhh. I had a talk w ma best friend and she reminded me how the work that I do and what I critique about the imbalance in power structures, and all the oppression that impact someone’s day to day also applies to me…it’s like I’ve been reading and reading about Black feminism, intersectionality, and all the things and really relating to it but somehow I had separated myself from it?? interesting (hm..ok, is it really?) contradiction. so yeah. it was reassuring.

reminder to be gentle. reminder that perfection doesn’t exist. reminder that the day to day isn’t comprised of unlimited time that I can dedicate to my masters. reminder that my masters is also there to accompany me as I find myself in the routines and rhythm that fit me best, the grounding ones, the ones that promote my wellbeing.

also. early 00s reggaeton was the da shit. I love how I can appreciate so many kinds of music and various types of humour. I’m kinda picky for food tho. Oops!

sometimes u just gotta take time to NAME IT

it feels good to feel and breathe some fresh air. even if it led me to purchase a 7$ REGULAR SIZE ass bubble tea from fucking CHATTIME that obviously wasn’t that good. solid 6.5/10. wow. I am disappointed in myself, hmm tbh…not really. it’s not taking space in my head.

but at least i got some fresh air.

today was full of anxiety. chest pains and everything. i felt stuck. but i was still doing stuff like the lil things while avoiding the big ones… i’m still proud to have taken the time to:

• take some deep breaths,

• drink some water - 4 glasses to be exact

• turn on the diffuser to a relaxing lavender and bergamot blend,

• try to get a big task started by identifying its clear sub-tasks, at least i tried man.

• and FINALLY left my house to run an errand..on FOOT.

• forgot my NIP when it was time to pay for my meds…but solved the issue! with google play..yeah I was blaming the paypass technology but in the end it saved me…HURRAY!

• I cleaned my kitchen, as I have been doing every night for a while now

• made myself a cake that I’ve been wanting to make

• currently smiling, cuz I still did things. I spent lots of energy choosing products that I need to purchase cuz of a sale, making my Ikea order, looking for the Alchimist for my mom, and buying a carseat for kelz.

  • that’s what took the most time. and you know what? i can’t be mad at trying to be there for my mom and Kelz, and myself cuz I was choosing skin care products, and some items to organize my kitchen.

  • time flies. and I’m working on setting up the context to foster my success. and it is a….PROCESS.