#iknow

today was just a boring day that flew by. it iz what it iz. brace yourself, or move right along. i won’t be mad. #2grown4thishii

random gratitude of the day x3

• I got to walk with Kelzou in the sun. it felt good #sunnydelight

  • but my serums and face cream made my skin oily. the serums call for sunscreen…but my cream has no sun. gotta get on that.

• I ate when I felt hungry #mymilkshakebringsalltheboystotheyard

• Lemme think about something that’s not an action…oh..even though I didn’t get to go to my parents as planned, we got to speak on the phone for a while. Glad they’re still here with me. #familybusiness

random thought of the day x3

• I found myself calculating my bites to have an appropriate amount of pork and veggies for every udon noodle ingested. #9+10=21

• I can’t wait for my dog to get used to his cute hip lil pineapple collar #teamnoitch

• the string lights that usually run across my living room and dining room’s ceiling are now walking. (damn…this lame ass dad joke sounded better in my head..let’s pretend this never happened) Some parts have fallen but are still held by the other parts that are holding on to their lil elastic (the ones we put at the end of box braids) attached to lil dollar store ass screws.

  • It fell even more today and a part of the string is currently about 2.5 cm away from my laptop screen.

    • I am ashamed to admit that it started perhaps weeks ago, and I just haven’t bothered to fix them yet, even if they make me bend, tuck my stomach in, or walk sideways. I guess it’s kinda like the relationship (EX-relationship, sorry) with my christmas tree, but the string is not respecting my boundaries (or vice versa???)

      • and I gotta act. fast.

        • #youretoxicimslippinunder

baking pan wisdom

I don’t know what to write about and feeling kinda weird in my body, so lemme think about 3 great (maybe that’s pushing it, positive? ya that’s better) things that happened today and 3 random thoughts.

“great” things

• I went for a walk with kelzou and it was great to get some fresh air

• I got around my skincare routine and I feel like the new serum I’m using is helping my breakout slowly

• Funny moment from the trial today (Depp v. Heard, duh!), the service desk person, an unapologetic LEGEND, Alejandro Romero, was a witness through a video deposition and he was so over it —even said how didn’t wanna be there cuz of how tireeeed he was of this case. in his parked car, smoking his vape, and started driving without a seatbelt at end, and . I. Fkn. Died.

random thoughts

• Kelz breath doesn’t smell amazing

• I didn’t finish the water in my water carafe (gorrl, I am ed-dju-ca-tedddd! tbh I googled it, but my fanciness stil stands). FYI, I now put 2 lemon slices in my water. I’ve evolved. now at a different level than you bitches

• so crazy (woah. welp can’t find a better word rn) how the stainless steel baking pans darken throughout the years, even turning black (as I am currently looking at one I put out of the oven to make a french toast casserole, fancy, but they still out here living their best life. not complaining, just celebrating baking pan wisdom.

  • advice from a black pan: you might go through struggles and trauma throughout life, but your essence remains. be attentive to the unique perspective and the richness of your story when you acknowledge and celebrate the dark and shadow parts.

    • OKAY PAN WISDOM!!!!!

today and its fluidity

random thought of the day

Funny how (am I really laughing tho?) I see how I’m becoming like my mom in certain ways. I just looked up “antique kettle” on kijiji, searching for a type of copper antique model that could be one statement piece in my kitchen decor. excuse me, wah? she’s the queen of kijiji + queen of antiques. I used to think it was “old”, so “passé”….and here I am following in her footsteps. I love a good mix of antique and modern. I guess my style is fluid in various ways. and I want to embrace that as something beautiful.

some random gratitude of the day

Today, I feel grateful. My day started on the right foot with such an inspiring meeting that made me feel seen, and heard. I also feel grateful for hugs. Hugs from the ones you love are priceless. I got 3 today.

I guess fluidity is also moving with the flow without constraining myself.

sometimes u just gotta take time to NAME IT

it feels good to feel and breathe some fresh air. even if it led me to purchase a 7$ REGULAR SIZE ass bubble tea from fucking CHATTIME that obviously wasn’t that good. solid 6.5/10. wow. I am disappointed in myself, hmm tbh…not really. it’s not taking space in my head.

but at least i got some fresh air.

today was full of anxiety. chest pains and everything. i felt stuck. but i was still doing stuff like the lil things while avoiding the big ones… i’m still proud to have taken the time to:

• take some deep breaths,

• drink some water - 4 glasses to be exact

• turn on the diffuser to a relaxing lavender and bergamot blend,

• try to get a big task started by identifying its clear sub-tasks, at least i tried man.

• and FINALLY left my house to run an errand..on FOOT.

• forgot my NIP when it was time to pay for my meds…but solved the issue! with google play..yeah I was blaming the paypass technology but in the end it saved me…HURRAY!

• I cleaned my kitchen, as I have been doing every night for a while now

• made myself a cake that I’ve been wanting to make

• currently smiling, cuz I still did things. I spent lots of energy choosing products that I need to purchase cuz of a sale, making my Ikea order, looking for the Alchimist for my mom, and buying a carseat for kelz.

  • that’s what took the most time. and you know what? i can’t be mad at trying to be there for my mom and Kelz, and myself cuz I was choosing skin care products, and some items to organize my kitchen.

  • time flies. and I’m working on setting up the context to foster my success. and it is a….PROCESS.