I got 90 problems, but a bitch ain't one

Today was a day of errands and research. I conquered the challenge of leaving my house to go get a bunch of grocery items —as if yesterday wasn’t enough. And when I say research, I mean 4 Chrome windows opened, with 26+14+42+8=90 tabs running. I just counted, and I am now mortified.

I feel like internet surfing is kinda having to cook and then do dishes overrrr and overrrr and overrrr again. You know? Like every time you eat, you leave a trace that you gotta clean up after, whether it’s a meal or a snack. If you don’t, it piles up, and then you gotta clean up the pile. And don’t get me started on my internet habits. The tabs are a perfect representation of myself, my thoughts (rabbit holes), and my state of being. Current status: real estate that I can’t afford, eye frames that I’m eyeing (!) without knowing what I’m truly looking for, a few recipes here and there, ways to preserve various fruits and veggies that I recently bought, school stuff, and finally, therapists. Obviously, I haven’t cleaned up after my thoughts yet.

This makes me realize why I’ve had chest pains for 2 days. I had come to the conclusion that it was anxiety, but now the anxiety has a face and it’s got 90 problems, and a bitch is one. Damn. I should’ve had 99 tabs opened. Get it?

What I learned by going grocery shopping: it's a sport.

My mom’s a nurse. Growing up, she’d be kinda strict around getting us sweets. You know what? scratches chin I think that also has to do with her own mom owning a candy shop, resulting in her young self getting a bunch of cavities…cuz she would fall asleep with her mouth full of candy. Did I say too much? Oh well. So yeah, no Pop Tarts, Fruit-O-Long, or Dunkaroo’s never made it to our pantry. I had to get it from friends at school. I remember thinking they were so cool, with all da goodass snacks. Poor things, I can only imagine opening up a Dunkaroo’s and having 5 people asking you for a cookie. Who do you say no to? So much pressure at such a young age.

Can I get JUST get the muhfkn point? I know, I know. The point is here, and I am there. I honestly just wanted to say that I just had Fruit Loops for dinner. I’m still hungry, so I shouldn’t call that a dinner. Basically, I had a snack for dinner.

I should have started by saying that I literally just went grocery shopping a few hours ago, and I am WAY too tired to go cook up some shit. The grocery bags are still full, on the floor, by the door. I feel like I still haven’t recovered from a workout, and that I need to take a nap to feel alive, but it’s already midnight, so perhaps I should go to bed and wake up hungry and then eat x10.

As you can tell, my thoughts - mind, body, and soul = ALL OVER THE PLACE. Working out will do that for you, I tell ya.

I'm an annoying lazy ass. Damn.

There’s 2 things I do that irritate me - surely there’s more but I’m not here to burn myself to the ground. I have standards. Anyways, if other people did the same, I probably would be annoyed. I’m single and live alone with my doggie, so I can be excused.

1. When I think I turned the faucet off completely but actually turned it off at 98%, and now the 2% is turning into drops of water that are intermittently running every 6 seconds and then 3. It’s happening now. I’m too lazy to get up. I’m basically making myself suffer. Now I sound like a martyr. Why do I do that? All I needed to do was to triple-check. Cuz I did double-check, in vain, unfortunately.

2. Fuck. I forgot what the other one was. Damn.

3. Ohhhh, I remember. When I microwave something and then it beeps, and then I don’t take my food, and then it beeps again. Mind you, when it beeps, it’s in a series of 4 beeps, and even if I open the door in the middle, at 2 beeps, it continues to finish its series. It’s interesting (is it really?) because I actually sometimes forget there’s food in there in between the beep series.

4. I’m a lazy ass. This needs to change. I shouldn’t be excused.

5. Nothing more to add, I just wanted 5 key points.

Would, or would not recommend. It depends.

After removing all the snow from my car at 2 am, I drove around the block to feel alive. I literally just did one round. Made me feel alive. Or maybe it was the cold, since my car didn’t even get the time to warm up. Always good to get out of the house and get some fresh air. Would recommend, 5 stars.

It is now 4:42 am, I’m tired, but not in bed. Talk about human paradox. Would not recommend, 0 star.

^He said it, serious matters!

I fell asleep last night, laptop opened, before I could get to writing a post. Oops. All I got for today is some random thoughts:

• I tried cheese stuffed pizza crust for the 1st time this week and I.Am.Blown.Away. The unstuffed crust is already dippable, but now with cheese??? Nah, that’s a blessing. I had no dips tho.

• I wish I knew what I was doing in my sleep. I woke up with dandruff on my scalp as if I had scratched my head even if I told myself I wouldn’t. Like…when I am asleep, I am no longer me? How do I talk to her?! Who is she!!

• Sometimes I want to comment on online articles, but I don’t wanna log into my facebook/gmail. Can’t a bitch comment anonymously? Talking bout “this information is strictly confidential” Why you asking me then?? Hypocrites.

• How do people keep their houses clean 24/7? Are they also hypocrites?

• I was so excited for my red juicy grapefruits…turns out they’re juicy, but sour bitches. Don’t judge a skin by its color. As a Black person, I should’ve known better.