#iknow

today was just a boring day that flew by. it iz what it iz. brace yourself, or move right along. i won’t be mad. #2grown4thishii

random gratitude of the day x3

• I got to walk with Kelzou in the sun. it felt good #sunnydelight

  • but my serums and face cream made my skin oily. the serums call for sunscreen…but my cream has no sun. gotta get on that.

• I ate when I felt hungry #mymilkshakebringsalltheboystotheyard

• Lemme think about something that’s not an action…oh..even though I didn’t get to go to my parents as planned, we got to speak on the phone for a while. Glad they’re still here with me. #familybusiness

random thought of the day x3

• I found myself calculating my bites to have an appropriate amount of pork and veggies for every udon noodle ingested. #9+10=21

• I can’t wait for my dog to get used to his cute hip lil pineapple collar #teamnoitch

• the string lights that usually run across my living room and dining room’s ceiling are now walking. (damn…this lame ass dad joke sounded better in my head..let’s pretend this never happened) Some parts have fallen but are still held by the other parts that are holding on to their lil elastic (the ones we put at the end of box braids) attached to lil dollar store ass screws.

  • It fell even more today and a part of the string is currently about 2.5 cm away from my laptop screen.

    • I am ashamed to admit that it started perhaps weeks ago, and I just haven’t bothered to fix them yet, even if they make me bend, tuck my stomach in, or walk sideways. I guess it’s kinda like the relationship (EX-relationship, sorry) with my christmas tree, but the string is not respecting my boundaries (or vice versa???)

      • and I gotta act. fast.

        • #youretoxicimslippinunder

to sleep and to eat, that is the exclamation.

Today has been…A DAY! I don’t even know where to start (as if there was really a beginning and an end in this cycle of life?????).

I guess I can start with the fact that today was the new moon. And of course, it calls for a moment of reflection to reconnect with ourselves (who is our?? lemme go back to I, cuz this is my damn blog) to decipher (sexy vocab, ya heard?!)… Do you get distracted with the parentheses?? I honestly don’t give a fuck, so I don’t even know why I asked. It’s like that fake ass “hi how are you” with the “hi how you doin” response, followed by silence. Lykkk wah??

Anyways. Ya. The new moon as a moment to reconnect and decipher (wow, I really never finished my earlier sentence?!) what I feel like I wanna manifest for the next cycle. What seed do I wanna plant? What’s calling me right now? What do I “want” to prioritize? That’s the thing tho. I’ve been wanting to manifest “love” or financial abundance” or “better health with exercises routines” etc. It’s just recently that I started scaling down to, for example, “wash dishes every night before bed”. I did…for one cycle aka one month…

MY POINT IS: I think about all these things I want and feel are important, but I always disregard the most important: to sleep, and to eat. I forget to be in my own body. When I feel like my world crumbles cuz I messed up my routine and spiral into thinking that I’m a failure (listen. I am extra, and I embrace it.)…I forget that the real foundation is just this : to sleep, and to eat. I’m out here thinking that I need to add this and this and that to create a healthy daily routine, but turns out that if I don’t sleep and don’t eat, there is no I, there’s no space to build anything.

SLEEPING AND EATING ARE….THE SOIL….!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I love my question marks, but I gotta throw some exclamation marks here and there too. I carry myself with social justice as a core belief. No discrimination ova here.)

baking pan wisdom

I don’t know what to write about and feeling kinda weird in my body, so lemme think about 3 great (maybe that’s pushing it, positive? ya that’s better) things that happened today and 3 random thoughts.

“great” things

• I went for a walk with kelzou and it was great to get some fresh air

• I got around my skincare routine and I feel like the new serum I’m using is helping my breakout slowly

• Funny moment from the trial today (Depp v. Heard, duh!), the service desk person, an unapologetic LEGEND, Alejandro Romero, was a witness through a video deposition and he was so over it —even said how didn’t wanna be there cuz of how tireeeed he was of this case. in his parked car, smoking his vape, and started driving without a seatbelt at end, and . I. Fkn. Died.

random thoughts

• Kelz breath doesn’t smell amazing

• I didn’t finish the water in my water carafe (gorrl, I am ed-dju-ca-tedddd! tbh I googled it, but my fanciness stil stands). FYI, I now put 2 lemon slices in my water. I’ve evolved. now at a different level than you bitches

• so crazy (woah. welp can’t find a better word rn) how the stainless steel baking pans darken throughout the years, even turning black (as I am currently looking at one I put out of the oven to make a french toast casserole, fancy, but they still out here living their best life. not complaining, just celebrating baking pan wisdom.

  • advice from a black pan: you might go through struggles and trauma throughout life, but your essence remains. be attentive to the unique perspective and the richness of your story when you acknowledge and celebrate the dark and shadow parts.

    • OKAY PAN WISDOM!!!!!

lies have entered the chat

Let me introduce you to some lies.

From me to me.

I am the perpetuator and the victim. (omg I think I’ve been watching too many hours of the trial’s livestream ((Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard…obvi)). IT SHOWS AND IT AIN’T CUTE)

This is not a poem, but a revelation.

Ok enough w da BS. So. I love eating, but sometimes I forget to eat. (Weird..makes no sense..I KNOW.)

I make lists on scrap paper sometimes of like 2 meals that I could make with leftovers, and breakfast ideas for a week. BUT IT’S NOT ENOUGH, CUZ I STILL STRUGGLE WITH MEAL PREP AND LOOKING LIKE A HUNGRY FOOL BEING ALL OVER THE PLACE IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!! (ok maybe not just in the kitchen…caught myself in a lie there…)

I saw a “what to EAT” pad at my friends’s house on her fridge, and she is EFFICIENT when it comes to cooking, preparing ingredients, and washing dishes. so lyk…. It must be a good tool right??

It’s 11$ on amazon. For. A. Pad. For paper held by some liquid glue at the top, carton in the back, and magnet at the back back. Nah. I don’t need that. My scrap paper is enough. I can work it out without another western capitalist thing. Not worth it..

LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES

I CAVED IN AND ORDERED WHEN I REALIZED I COULDN’T GET MY SHIT TOGETHER AND IT WAS DELIVERED TODAY. Lemme calm down.

WHAT SHOULD I EAT?????? (obviously cannot calm down)

Punctuation

You know when you're really hungry, but have nothing to eat as a meal and the hunger keeps increasing so you eat some snacks to figure out your next move, but it’s like the snacks fall into a black hole and your body keeps screaming for consistent food so you keep looking at the pantry, fridge, freezer on repeat, but it’s like the hunger clouds your vision so you feel helpless and as the hunger keeps increasing, you wish you could just pretend like the hunger wasn’t there, but you’ve reached a point where if you don't eat you'll probably feel sick, so you eat another snack aka bowl of cereal…black hole…so you keep looking and randomly been texting your friend about your hunger and she tries to help you miles apart, so you send her a video of your pantry and fridge and she gives you a quick dip/sauce recipe so you finally get around getting the ingredients out - tofu, garlic powder, sesame oil, soy sauce, rice vinegar honey + rice - and you keep turning around and around in the kitchen so it takes you so much time to do the simplest of tasks????????? Question based on a true story. Absence of punctuation based on increasing hunger. Witness has chosen to remain anonymous to avoid judgement repercussions.

random thought

I hate (ok hatred might be a strong feeling. Despise then? Hm. Maybe just, brings me slight annoyance? Ya.) when I watch a funny show where I laugh out loud (when lol doesn't mean what it used to mean anymore and you actually need to spell it to emphasize its true nature smh) and then finish it, but have to wait a certain amount of time before I can rewatch it in order to, again, laugh out loud. Why is that??? Wasn't funny enough?? Situational humor?? Too grown (who do I think I am)?? I don't know why this crossed my mind. It's not like YT videos count. And I'm not even high. Bye. (What a poet, ending on a rhyming note. Punctuation excused, obvi. rolls eyes)