my mom was wrong

i went to visit my parents and it was fun, i got to do a puzzle with my mom

i also decided to used my fancy silicone/plastic reusable mask kit. I’M FANCY. Ok? Ok.

so obviously, since my skin has been breaking out because I ate one grapefruit a day, I’ve been more consistent with my clay masks. anyways so i did one while there. and listen, it got late, I was lazy, wanted to go home…and the last thing i was down for was rinsing my mask off at my parents’..BAH

it was a whole ass set up to prepare to leave the house and be in public with my face, full of clay. thank god I was driving but damn, I was already thinking at the bright red lights, or the fkn high beams. PEOPLE WILL SEE ME

sooooo, I left with my mask on…under my mask, with a cap that couldn’t fit on my head- literally hanging on to a thread of hair, my big hood on, and my pride in my pocket. my mom was like “you’re not gonna see anybody! and who cares, you don’t know them!” she’s right, who cares? so I went about my business, cuz obviously I wouldn’t see anyone at 11pm. LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got back home, put my mask back on, my scarf around my face, and made sure my hood was on on (yup twice). I was holding kelz in his crate, my reusable bag on one shoulder and some groceries my parents gave me…OF COURSE there had to be people smoking outside the door, and kelz screaming because…people…which drew attention to me LAWDDDD. when I tell you, my head was downnnn and I was walking FAST FAST. Anyways, so I proceeded to open the door when I hear…”hey do you need help?”…”no thank you (keeping my head down focusing on the key)………….that’s so nice”

my mom was wrong.

youtube scale

well hello there.

I’ve been watching so much YT lately, espesh a couple’s channel “Jamilla & Que” — they’re amazing. Do you ever watch so much YT vlogs that…you’re almost living another life???? It’s hard to explain.

I guess I’ve just been kinda in a daze? My therapist told me today that instead of bashing myself for “wasting my time” by watching YT, to reframe it as a signal of being overwhelmed. Like “damn, I was really overwhelmed today'“. I like that. It really shifts the whole perspective. Does that mean that my habits will change overnight??? Nope! But it’s a start.

My dog is asleep and he just made a lil sound and a sigh, SHOKYUTTTT! On this note, I should go pack. I’m flying to Mexico in like 21 hours. (I could’ve said less than 24h, but I had to be extra. eye roll)

that escalated quickly

Isn’t it weird how driving can tire you??? Like you’re just sitting there, pressing a pedal - I’m sorry *2 pedals. If there’s traffic, forget it!! I just feel depleted after. Today is a different story tho…winter + snowstorm + potholes + traffic + downtown = LAWWDDDDDD. I was stressing the whole way through, so thats not even tiring, that’s EXHAUSTINGGGGG.

Why do we have to be “productive” so much?? Why can’t we pause life when terrible things happen like snowstorms? Well, obviously there’s more important crises happening all around the world, but still. Even for these crises, can’t we just stop, take a breath, and think about how to respond? Why do we have to be “on” all the time??

I have many questions.

I am tired.

Good night.

I’m actually not really going to bed, Imma go back to my “Truth or drink: spicy (lgbtq)….” YT video.

I was just so inspired by the video that I thought I’d leave with a truth…yaknow?

what happened today?

idk what to write about

what happened today?

• I talked a lot when in fact im not supposed to as my throat has been hurting…hopefully it’s not covid. what kind of world is this?

• I watched a couple of renovation videos today and I want a concrete countertop.

• I’m putting it out there in the universe that within the next 5 years, I will be a homeowner.

This is my random blog, remember?

to do or to think

random thoughts today:

• I feel like most of life is labour. Being productive, creative, working, hustling, taking care of our home, cooking, it feels like it never ends.

• I love that I made a quick laundry load to clean…rags. Luxury, I tell you.

• I haven’t made a to-do list, wait…I was gonna say in so long but I honestly just realized that I haven’t stopped, I just stopped making them with the intent to check and follow through. Either way, it felt like a little break.

• Wow, all my previous points refer to things to “do”.

• hmm. I guess a thought could be…I got nothing today…

• Some days are like that.

• oh, grateful to grow in alignment with friends. we motivate each other. we support each other. we see each other. How beautiful is that???

• Ok I guess I was able to add a thought after all…

• Off to bed and it’s 4am. I wish I had gone to bed earlier.